Just today I get an email from one of the churches I service. They're having trouble logging into the server via their VPN (stands for Virtual Private Network) connection. (For non IT folk, that means they can't log in to their home site from a different location... see , learning is fun!) Now, I really didn't want to drive 45 minutes to re-enter a password so, I give the good and right Sister Sunshine a call. No, she isn't really a nun but the nickname sounds better. She gives me the run down on the situation (y'know, in case I couldn't understand it in the 3 page email she wrote me.) . Like the super nerd I am, I spring into action blindly. Naturally there is no remote access to their computers (why would I have the forethought to do that? Its not like it makes logical sense or anything???) and there is no possible way I can walk her through the install (Sister Sunshine is a wonderful person, just not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to tech). With no other options, I start doing the help desk thing.... I ask all the typical questions and receive terse answers in return. Prepare to be dazzled with the Help Desk Process of troubleshooting (Careful ladies... this'll get ya sweaty.....Ok, it won't.....on second thought... if it does....Email me!!!! Just kidding ladies I-TG33k is a happily married man, right Mrs. G33k?...) (( ... OK she's gone... send those emails ladies!!!! ))....
Anyway prepare to be thoroughly amazed (and by amazed I mean bored to fucking death, but its a necessary evil) by the process: I start with the basics: has the password changed? (no) . Is the user account correct? (yes, of course) , has anyone else used it? (Well, The Reverend Father Priestman had it the other day....) BINGO!!!! Ol' Pappy Priestman screwed it up!!!! So, I start explaining to sweet Sister Sunshine that she has to re-enter her password and she stops me short. "I don't know what that is.... it's always just there..." (didn't she just tell me that it hadn't changed? how the hell does she know that if she doesn't know what it is???) So, I ask if she has it documented somewhere... she says she does and puts me on hold to look for it.... for 25 fucking minutes....... when she finally comes back, she tells me she has it but is all secretive about it... this chick REFUSES to give me the password!!!! Fine, whatever.. enter the damn thing so I can get you off my phone....
She enters it and says it doesn't work... I ask her if it might be a different password... she huffs in my ear and says its not possible she only has one password! She the proceeds to dive into a long winded explanation about it being the password for her email account and their provider is different from the main location.. (It makes no rational sense at all and I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!) I try to explain to her four times....let me reiterate that... 4 TIMES... that the server log in is a completely different animal.. and every time she launches back into the email password story..... finally on the fifth go round, I cut her off with an "I Understand That." and try to explain AGAIN in the clearest of layperson terms for her....I get a HUGE sigh of frustration through the receiver of my phone followed by something I never though I would hear from a church staff member in a million lifetimes:
"I'VE ONLY EVER HAD ONE FUCKING PASSWORD"
lets let that one linger for a minute .......
...
...
...
Yes, you read that right. I just had an F-Bomb hurled at me by Sister Sunshine, now just to paint the entire picture for you.... Sister Sunshine is one of the nicest ladies on the planet. She's a tiny little thing and close to 70 years old, she looks like one of those adorable sweet old grannies, so to say I was caught off guard by this hellish outburst is an understatement ..... I was thrown waaaaaay the fuck off... it's like that feeling you got when you walked in on your parents bumping uglies (you're welcome for trudging that memory back up....) I was so stunned that all I could come back with was " I'll be right over..."
Long story short, the entire visit was painfully awkward . there was palpable tension in the air and I just wanted to get the fuck out of there..... NOTHING was mentioned about our conversation not then, not now, not FUCKING EVER ( well until I blast it across the internet....) we both pretended it didn't happen.... The problem that caused the outburst was never the password.... it was the case sensitivity of the user name.......
Seriously... something that simple caused an F-Bomb..from inside a church ... how can you top that....
as always:
Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!
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