Friday, May 31, 2013

I have very important documents to print!!!!

Hello and welcome to the next installment of I-TG33k, I'm your host THE I-TG33k: Denny Clinton. (Jesus.... it sounds like I'm recording a podcast with this intro... ) What I'm about to share with you is TRUE, I assure you that I couldn't make this shit up. I really contend with clients like this on a daily basis and the fact that I haven't slapped one of them or jammed a 1024 mb stick of DDR2 PC100 RAM in my eye is a testament to my restraint, but I digress.... On with the tale:

  This specific client of mine could be considered ....high maintenance. I would consider him to be a colossal pain in the ass, a spoiled diva but still a good guy.  I'll give as much background as I can without getting canned or sued. The guy is the owner of his own business. (Notice I'm not being too specific ... ... fuck it, He's a Hot Dog Vendor..... a very successful White Collar one, OK?)  Anyway, I get a call from him and his printer has lost the will to live.... and he's going BATSHIT CRAZY. " ErmaGerd!!!! My Printer died and I have very important documents to print!!!!! " I reassure him that this is no big deal, I'll bring out a new printer and the ITG33k will save the day, I'm like a nerdy super-hero y'know.....(but... no tights.... I'm a chubster.... it would be a crime against humanity if I were to go out in public like that.....) 
  So I get to his house, Yes his HOME printer died, I have to make a house call like a family doctor from the 1950s..... Anyway, I bring the new printer in and assess the old one..... It's as dead as a door nail (whatever that's supposed to mean.... aren't all inanimate objects dead? why are we singling out a nail? another topic for a different blog I guess.) So I get busy on the switch over. Not a terribly difficult task really, but when you factor in that Dr. Hot-Dog Vender, Esq. is hovering over me in a panic wringing his hands and whimpering like I'm performing surgey on one of his children, it gets a bit more stressful. 
  I successfully complete the task and the shiny new, over-priced printer is installed and ready to go. The familiar sounds of an HP Printer initializing a print job fills the home office, drawing in Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor, a pampered stay-at-home trophy wife/mom. She bursts into the room with a look of exasperation and euphoria on her face (was she really that excited for a print document or did she just get back from a rendezvous with her B.O.B? if you don't know what a B.O.B is, go look it up.... we'll wait....) Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor blurts out to her husband and I " Did you save it????". This must be quite the document, I'm even getting excited! It's gotta be something really important or valuable.... maybe some tycoon's lost will that's going to make someone an instant billionaire? 
  So the print job completes and I've just gotta know what the hell was so important, so I snatch it off the printer and give it a quick glace as I hand it over....
  Looney Tunes character pictures..... Are you Fucking Serious??????? This is the goddamned document that was so important ???? it can't be, Right???? no sane person would be that worked up over pictures of some cartoons??? They Were. The look of relief on their faces said it all.... this was the fucking golden document..... Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor confirmed it with one brief sentence " Oh,  our little girl will be so happy..."   

 Welcome to I.T. Hell everyone.... It doesn't get much stranger than that.


Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Gormie: Secret Origin of the I-TG33k

  Welcome to the Inaugural edition of I-TG33k. I'm your host,THE I-TG33k himself, Denny Clinton. I'm hoping you will enjoy my unique insights and musing as I tear back the curtain on the mundane and sometimes downright strange inner-workings of I.T. support and Geek-Life in general. I'm sure the title and concept of this new blog conjours many questions: Who the hell are you? Why should I bother with this shit? What the fuck is a Gormie? keep reading I'll explain it all later.

  First let me tell you about who I am and why I narcissistically think you should pay attention to my ramblings. I'm an I.T. Professional. Yeah, think about that for a second.... gets you sweaty huh? I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot right? 
  I'm a lone field technician serving the Central New York area, I have many clients dotting the landscape of Upstate New York, but my main stomping grounds is the Rochester area. I've been everywhere from Binghamton to Watertown and Ithaca to Albany to fix the computer problems that an average Joe can't wrap their heads around or couldn't be bothered with.  I started on this illustrious and exciting career path just  a short time ago but have been a computer hobbyist for years. I'm the guy that everyone brings their computers to when they break something or get viruses from watching too much internet porn, You know who you are....
  So, you're probably curious about for my Geek Cred. For the most part I fit the computer geek stereotype, I've played my fair share of MMO video games and I consistently have a stack of comic books and action figures posed on my desk. I've lived the life for years.... I witnessed the death of Superman ...(Still have my copy of Superman #75 in the polybag as well as bagged and boarded in my long box bitches!!!!! yeah... I went there....sorry) but I've somehow maintained what could be considered a healthy "Normal" existence as well. 
  Before the I.T. thing started I was a blue collar worker.....seriously. I used to toil away out in the heat. I happened to fall into that stereotype pretty well too... overly macho, hard-drinking alpha male type, but that all came to a screeching halt when kids came into the equation, My wife (we'll refer to her as Mrs. G33k, she loves that!) and I were expecting our first child while on one of my winter layoffs when fate intervened and bitchslapped me dead in the nuts. News came down that none of our crew were going back to work in the spring. I responded like any rational person would... OH WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!   So, into school I went and before long I'm in the I.T. work force.
  So, that's who I am. Now, why should you check out my further ramblings ? Good goddamn question! Short answer (since I just forced you to wade through my "Secret Origin" for an hour) : My perspective. I get to see and hear a lot of strange stuff in my line of work and being, what I like to refer to my self as, a  Gormie (Geek/Normal Person hybrid) I see humor and irony in these situations and I'd like to share it.
  So, if you've stuck with me this far, Thanks. I assure you, the next post will bring the funny.

Until next time: M3g@Byt3 Me, Bitches!