Saturday, June 8, 2013

I attended IPad School....

  Welcome to the next installment of I-TG33k and as always my disclaimer: All of my stories are TRUE. Details have been changed to protect the guilty and their careers, mostly mine.
    Not so long ago, an urgent phone call came into the G33kCave. It was from my biggest client, no not Dr. Hot-Dog Vender, Esq. (If you're asking yourself who the fuck is Dr. Hot-Dog Vender.... then seriously.... go back and read the previous editions of I-TG33k....there may be a quiz next month....) No, this client is a mover and shaker in their business. They command considerable power and respect all throughout the state. So, when they call, I listen... or at least answer and feign mild interest.... So, I tear myself away from the newest TESD broadcast (bonus Points for the first person to tell me what that stands for) long enough  to at least answer the call and get the vague details the secretary gives me, and believe me they were vague.... I think it went something like: "Mr. Bigwig needs to see you immediately.... his thingy isn't working...." I tried to explain to her that she called her I.T. guy and not Mr. Bigwig's urologist...I then paused to let my comedy stylings sink in....dead silence... she didn't get the joke..... So after my attempt at humor/sexual harassment, I told her I'd be right over.
    I made the trip from the shop to the corporate offices of BigWig, Bossman and Lackey attorneys at law in a record 10 minutes and boarded the elevator for the ride to the eighth floor feeling pretty pleased with myself for the quick arrival.  Stepping into the lavish corner office of Mr. BigWig I greet him with a smile  and a "Good Morning sir, I hope I didn't keep you waiting." BigWig swivels around in his GINORMOUS desk chair that makes the Queen Mother's throne look like a fucking potty seat and says to me In-All-Seriousness "Well, my secretary DID tell you it was urgent...." I was shocked, this toolbag was seriously annoyed that it took me 10 minutes to get across town..... So, BigWig tosses an IPad onto the desk between us and just stares at me. I look from him to the Ipad and back. AND HE'S JUST FUCKING STARING AT ME! Stone faced and silent. I finally break the awkward silence " What seems to be the problem?"  He glances at the IPad and then at me with a "Pssht..." and waves his hand at it all annoyed like. He made the face at me..... you know the one I mean.... the one that expresses exactly how fucking stupid he thinks you are for asking such an asinine question. " Well, the damn thing doesn't work" he said to me.... and he shoves it across the desk at me, very nearly into my lap.
    So, I pick it up and open the ridiculously expensive leather case and start looking the device over, it turns on fine and before I can look any further Mr. BigWig chuckles at me and says " I don't know what you think you're going to do with that.... I can't figure it out and I attended IPAD SCHOOL." Now I was pissed at the arrogance of this old bastard, I was determined to fix this thing with blinding speed.......long story short, I immediately went into his settings and enabled his Wi-Fi.... boom IPad works like a fucking charm..... I hand the device across the desk to this pompous prick, this  fucking IPAD School Valedictorian and just had to add " Hope IPad school wasn't too expensive."

Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!

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