Friday, May 31, 2013

I have very important documents to print!!!!

Hello and welcome to the next installment of I-TG33k, I'm your host THE I-TG33k: Denny Clinton. (Jesus.... it sounds like I'm recording a podcast with this intro... ) What I'm about to share with you is TRUE, I assure you that I couldn't make this shit up. I really contend with clients like this on a daily basis and the fact that I haven't slapped one of them or jammed a 1024 mb stick of DDR2 PC100 RAM in my eye is a testament to my restraint, but I digress.... On with the tale:

  This specific client of mine could be considered ....high maintenance. I would consider him to be a colossal pain in the ass, a spoiled diva but still a good guy.  I'll give as much background as I can without getting canned or sued. The guy is the owner of his own business. (Notice I'm not being too specific ... ... fuck it, He's a Hot Dog Vendor..... a very successful White Collar one, OK?)  Anyway, I get a call from him and his printer has lost the will to live.... and he's going BATSHIT CRAZY. " ErmaGerd!!!! My Printer died and I have very important documents to print!!!!! " I reassure him that this is no big deal, I'll bring out a new printer and the ITG33k will save the day, I'm like a nerdy super-hero y'know.....(but... no tights.... I'm a chubster.... it would be a crime against humanity if I were to go out in public like that.....) 
  So I get to his house, Yes his HOME printer died, I have to make a house call like a family doctor from the 1950s..... Anyway, I bring the new printer in and assess the old one..... It's as dead as a door nail (whatever that's supposed to mean.... aren't all inanimate objects dead? why are we singling out a nail? another topic for a different blog I guess.) So I get busy on the switch over. Not a terribly difficult task really, but when you factor in that Dr. Hot-Dog Vender, Esq. is hovering over me in a panic wringing his hands and whimpering like I'm performing surgey on one of his children, it gets a bit more stressful. 
  I successfully complete the task and the shiny new, over-priced printer is installed and ready to go. The familiar sounds of an HP Printer initializing a print job fills the home office, drawing in Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor, a pampered stay-at-home trophy wife/mom. She bursts into the room with a look of exasperation and euphoria on her face (was she really that excited for a print document or did she just get back from a rendezvous with her B.O.B? if you don't know what a B.O.B is, go look it up.... we'll wait....) Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor blurts out to her husband and I " Did you save it????". This must be quite the document, I'm even getting excited! It's gotta be something really important or valuable.... maybe some tycoon's lost will that's going to make someone an instant billionaire? 
  So the print job completes and I've just gotta know what the hell was so important, so I snatch it off the printer and give it a quick glace as I hand it over....
  Looney Tunes character pictures..... Are you Fucking Serious??????? This is the goddamned document that was so important ???? it can't be, Right???? no sane person would be that worked up over pictures of some cartoons??? They Were. The look of relief on their faces said it all.... this was the fucking golden document..... Mrs. Hot-Dog Vendor confirmed it with one brief sentence " Oh,  our little girl will be so happy..."   

 Welcome to I.T. Hell everyone.... It doesn't get much stranger than that.

Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!

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