Dr. Sleepy's NutHouse

    Hello and welcome to this weeks edition of I-TG33k, as always, I am your host Denny Clinton.
I am actually writing this column directly from the clients home, I don't want to miss ANY details from this bizarro story!
     I get a call from this particular fellow and he's in a panic, shouting and cursing. This isn't anything new, it's his M.O.... Let me give you some background on the one we call.... Dr. Sleepy.
     Dr. Sleepy was a successful  and highly respected member of the local medical community. He retired a few years back and once he was comfortably away from the scrutiny of the public eye..... He let loose with the crazy! All social graces have long sense gone out the window and everything in his little world revolves around him and his conspiracy theories. The formerly good doctor has adopted quite the look for himself these days, he kind of resembles an old, portly Wolverine (The X-Man not the animal) He has huge mutton chop sideburns and poofy white hair that, to be honest looks more like Krusty the Clown than Wolvie.... PLUS he rocks a Hitler 'stache! It never fails, no matter when I'm there Morning, Noon or Night... Summer, Fall Winter.... he's always dressed in basketball gear.... specifically an S.U. t-shirt, Orange B-Ball shorts and tube socks pulled damned near up to his crotch .... and to complete the ensemble:.... a cotton headband..... I have NO idea why.... the old codger doesn't exercise! It's always an adventure making a visit to the good Doctor.
     So, back to today. I finally get the old kook to calm down, I ask what the problem is.....(my first mistake) "my computer sold me out to the FBI!!!! I'm going to prison!!!!"  I chuckle at this and explain that it's a virus and he's not going to prison, but it DOES make me wonder what he's doing on that pc if he thinks it sold him out to the Feds....
     I arrive 22 minutes later and jam the doorbell at the previously arranged proper entrance (seriously, he's that guy) Silence turns into the sounds of a dog flipping the fuck out! Dr. Sleepy answers the door and ushers me in, assuring me that cujo here won't bother me and kind of pushes me past the beast who is still snarling and baring its teeth at me as Doc shouts at it "its Denny! It's Denny!" Like the rabid little fuck cares what my name is.
     So I get to the pc and its the typical virus removal, what isn't typical is the interaction coming from the other room. Mrs. Sleepy has come home in the meantime and has stated asking innocent questions to the Doctor about the virus removal...... Seems normal enough right? Well until the doctor responds..... By bellowing at her at the top of his lungs! He reacts like she had just told him she screwed the neighbor on the front lawn!!! Throwing f-bombs around and calling her a dumb cunt and so forth.....it goes on for a good 8 minutes before the entire house, even cujo who has been vigilantely standing in the doorway waiting for the right moment to take a chunk out of my leg, goes silent..... it like when you were a kid and Mommy and Daddy got into a huge table tossing fight at dinner, you just sit there awkwardly as your little sister cries silently into her Mac and Cheese.... What? that didn't happen at your house???? (Don't Judge Me!!!) 
     Then I hear footsteps coming down the hall towards me .... Dr. Sleepy appears and says cheerily"how we doin in here?"
..... I gotta get out of this nut house

 as always: Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!

ID=10T errors Don't be that guy

     Welcome back for this very special edition of I-TG33k. I'm your host Denny "I-TG33k" Clinton. Today I want to discuss a very serious topic that plagues a huge portion of computer users these days. Perusing this list, you'll see that you, dear readers, may even be afflicted with these ID=10T errors.
    Now, don't panic... these are fixable but you will always carry the secret shame of knowing .... you're one of them.
   Now, I'm sure you're asking what ID=10T errors are. It's all VERY technical but I'll do my best to sum it up for you.... ID=10T is a specific classification / rating system  used within the Information Technologies biz that categorizes an end user according to their technical skill level and willingness to learn. ID=10T specifically stands for Identification Determination  equal 10% Technical Aptitude
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                                                        NO NOT REALLY!!!!!
Let me Show you:      ID10T      see it now? No, fine. I'll make it abundantly clear: IDIOT. now you see it huh?

There are many variations of ID=10T errors, some more severe than others. I'm going to lay all out for you here. Now if you find that you, dear readers, fit into one of these roles don't be offended. Most people will but don't worry.... you can fix it.... admitting the problem is the first step: 

• The Quick Clicker: Usually limited to the Tween set (10 -14 years of age) These ID10Ts let nothing stand in their way of a download. Throwing caution (and common sense) to the wind, they blast through every option of every download to get it started, Viruses and add-ons be damned! These computers are the ones that have tons of bloatware clogging them up but the owners have no idea why it runs so slow!(Maybe because you let your kid download every toolbar known to man you clueless prick!)
• The Wannabe: These ID10Ts want to be a techie soooooo bad ! They try to talk the talk but cannot wrap their heads around the skill. They think they know what they're doing but manage to screw everything up. These are the folks that hover over me and try to troubleshoot problems they've caused (seriously, get the fuck out of the room before I beat you with your keyboard dumbass)
• The Virus Collector: These ID10Ts make me money! With no AntiVirus to speak of they venture across the InterWebs inviting every virus they come across back to their hard drive to hang out. They then want to know why the computer is broken (Stay off the pornsites without protection Moron!)
• The E.M.P: It's hard to refer to these guys as ID10Ts. These people repel technology. For whatever reason these folks have an aura around them that just Breaks Shit! Typically it's unintentional  but whatever they use just stops working. Phones, Computers, TVs you name it. These mystical agents of mayhem walk into the room and shit goes foul. (Honestly, go outside...do not touch anything! Keep your voodoo outta here!!!!) 
• The How-DO-I?: These ID10Ts want to learn, they really do. .. But it's the constant corrections that put them on this list. I get it, I really do....how else are they going to learn if they don't ask the questions and try stuff out for themselves. The problem being.... they seek the guidance AFTER tinkering alone!!!! (Here's a tip...ASK FIRST Dummy!!!!!) 
• The A.T.A: That stands for Against Technical Advice, kind of like in the medical field where if you're dumb enough to completely disregard the doctors instructions you get labelled AMA. I get the same type of ID10Ts and these are the worst. I hate working with these fucks. I work on their machines and explain what is causing their issues (Internet Explorer and a piss poor or nonexistant A/V) and not only advise them, but install better stuff for them.... and what do I hear "I like IE better, I'm still going to use that" .... (Fuck. You. enjoy your viruses FUCKTARD) 

Aaaaand on that note, let's wrap up this list. These are just a sampling of the ID10Ts I run into, I'll save more for a future edition.

as always: Until Next Time: M3G@BYT3 ME, Bitches!